Pastor Couper was meeting with Chris in the afternoon.
At the end of our meeting Chris said, no I still want a divorce - REJECTED.
Pastor Couper pulled me aside after and said, do not feel rejected, stay in the word, stay in prayer and humility. He discerned that Chris was ready for a change. I did not believe him.
The enemy came at me right away - you know when he goes to his apartment, Julie's coming over. You know he's called her and told her how stupid the meeting was and what a fool you made of yourself. You know he hates you, he's never loved you.
So I drove to work, and made it through the day. Waiting for Pastor Couper's call, that wasn't coming as quickly as I wanted.
I picked up the big kids from the bus stop, and we went to Sobey's to get Mikayla's birthday cake. Then I head to pick up Spencer from daycare, he's in an awful mood so I know this is going to be a long night. As I'm walking from his side of the truck to mine, the phone rings.
"Hi, are you sitting down?". There it was, spelled out for me, he doesn't want you, he wants her. Oh well, that's what I had prepared my heart for, God will provide and we will be fine.
But maybe there's hope...I said, "Should I be?"
"Ya, I really think so". Yup, rejected. I can't speak, I just start crying in the parking lot.
"He's packing and on his way home.".
Tears stop. Heart rejoices?!? NOPE! I said, "HE'S WHAT?". The enemy was right there, ready to pounce. All my doubts and insecurities, and what are you going to say to your families...to your coworkers. What about him and Julie, is that over? And if he's coming back, is it because he loves me or because he's bored and lonely or because Pastor couper guilted him into this.
It was like Pastor Couper could hear all that going on in my head and he said, "I'm at your door, come home, we'll talk it through". We had a great conversation, but I was not sure I wanted him home. That wasn't what the plan was, he was going to reject us, I was going to be comforted and live a happy healthy loving life. He wasn't coming home. That means dealing with our sh*t, that means finding out the truth about Julie, that means being with him all the time.......that means going through the same hell we've been through for 6 of our 8 years together.
Then Pastor Couper said, "he's scared it's going to be the same hell it was before". Ok Holy Spirit, I hear ya. How perfect that tonite we were celebrating Mikayla's birthday, we already had the cake to celebrate Daddy's homecoming. I was getting excited.
Then he knocked on the door. Oh, hello doubts and insecurities, where have you been for the past hour. He came in, he looked at me. I went 'great, he's not even going to say anything, just going to walk in like nothing happened, just like before'. But he walks over to me and hugs me and kissed me on the cheek. I stood there and sobbed in my husbands arms while he stroked my hair and said, 'it WILL be ok'.
Now we have to get through the next two hours without talking to each other. Put the kids to bed and the 'talk' will commence. Of course the kids are at each other, and we're feeling the strain. But before Pastor couper had left he said, 'do not let the strain of the kids transfer as strain between you two'. What a blessing, a man of God, a messenger just for us.
Kids are in bed....
No comments:
Post a Comment