Sleep was not happening last night. I tossed and turned and kept getting up feeling so nauseous. I finally lay down beside Mikayla, her snoring oddly put me to sleep for a while at least.
Here we go Lord, it all comes down to this.
What if he says "I still want the divorce". What if he walks away from us.
Selfishly, I don't want to be 25 and single with three kids.
I don't want my kids to grow up without a dad.
I definetely do NOT want my kids to grow up with a dad AND step mom.
I have played out both scenarios in my mind.
And both scare me.
What if he says "yes, we're working on it"....then I have to forgive him, I have to live with him, I have to show my love to him even when it's not there.
Is it ironic or cruel that today is Mikayla's 4th birthday?? So no matter how today goes, tonight we will be together for supper and cake....with smiles on our faces and who knows what in our hearts.
Lord, please have Your way in the meeting today. Guide my countenance, body language and words. Keep my spirit calm and loving and let me hear exactly what he and the pastors have to say. Soften his heart towards me and please stir his Spirit to do the godly and manly thing for his family - to stay. But as always, Your will be done.
Thank you Jesus for being involved no matter what the outcome. Amen.
**Thank you for all your prayers and support, please keep us in your prayers this morning at 9:30.**
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