I wanted to...

She works at my favourite store. She controls my husband and now my shopping.
I wanted to go shopping, as hard as it was because it made their relationship real, I texted him to see if she would be there, he said no so I went.
But when I walked in, and no one would help me (when usually they flock to me because I spend so much there) I knew they knew who I was. That made me angry. Then I found a gorgeous suit, and there wasn't my size...that made me really angry. Then the text from him comes - she is still there. So I left, although I wanted to call her name and yell at her.
I asked what she drove, he told me, I was parked beside it.

CONFESSION:
I did turn the car off. I did take my key, hand shaking and start to open the door. I could picture her face when she would come out and see the line around her car and the lipstick on her window with the letters w. h. o. r. e. in candy apple red. I waited, silently hoping she would come out. I went through all the words I would tell her.

But I prayed, I felt peace, I rose above it, and I left.
That was the hardest 5 minute drive home of my life because my flesh was so strongly calling out to go back and get my justice, however immature it would have been.

10 minutes later, still shaking and still wanting to go see if she was still there, or drive by his place and see if she was there waiting for him....my son asks to call daddy and see if he can come over tonite. My heart sinks and aches for the rest of the night.

WHAT I CAN'T SAY:
I hate you, if you were watching tv with her instead of playing wii with our kids.
I am desperate for you, if I wasn't it wouldn't hurt so much when I hear her name and yours together.