The talk.

The entire night is kind of a blur. Except for two specific points.
1. He does love me. He lied to hurt me. He has never stopped loving me. Praise God!
2. He was dating Julie. He repeatedly and for long period of time kissed her, touched her, wanted her. BLECH!

I text my friend Shanna, "I can't do this, he kissed her, he cheated, I can't do this, I won't do this". And even this morning after a long night of talking (why we did that instead of waiting until tonite is beyond me, because we're parents, and the kids were up super early this morning, I'm exhausted) I'm not sure that I can get over this.

I KNOW I can't get over this, not on my own. Not in my own human flesh. But with God I can. His love with guide me, heal my heart and restore my love and trust for my husband.

WHAT I CAN'T SAY...
You suck, why the heck would you kiss her.
You snore, I can't say I missed that.
You have morning breath, and I got used to the dogs, not a fan of yours.

WHAT I DID SAY...
You fit, when you hold me I know that we are fearfully and wonderfully made for each other.
I love you, I always have and always will.
You hurt me, why the heck would you kiss her.
I forgive you, not because I want to or feel like it, because you are my husband.

Just as we're getting somewhere in our conversation, his phone rings, and by the look on his face I know it's her. Of course, I want to answer is, say HA, Back off Biatch. But he says, 'no we're not communicating with her'. In comes the devil - he still wants her, loves her, wants to protect her from you. I just looked at him and glared. He said, 'I am protecting you, it will not be good for you to do anything, say anything. Let's focus on us and forget about stupid insecure girls who mean nothing.' WOW.

WHAT I CAN'T SAY...
Back off, he's mine and I am his and you need to stop calling and texting.
Get a life, and stop trying to tempt my husband and take my life.
Grow up, find a man who isn't married, who isn't mine, who isn't Chris.

I don't think this Julie thing is going to go away easily, she's going to put up a fight and a scene. As we were going to bed (I said, which couch and he said - no, our bed...I didn't want that but I was surprised impressed and happy that he marched upstairs behind me)....I asked to see his phone. I was going through the texts and there was a pic of her, with his comment 'this is my favourite'. My heart broke again. GET LOST DEVIL, let me have 10 minutes without some doubt anger or hurt. Old chris - ignore roll over and go to sleep. And that's just what he did. But then, just when I was about to start crying and building the anger up, he rolled over, held me and said, 'she doesn't matter'. He took the initiative and he made a difference.

Is everything back to normal - not by a long shot. Are there still alot of things we need to discuss and work through - absolutely. But here is the difference, here is why we're going to make it. Chris said, we're going to counselling, at first it may be 2, 3 times a week, but we can't fall back into routine and be back at this horrible spot in 6 months, 2 years, 20 years. I said, that's all I've been asking for this whole time. And he said, well, now you have it.

Lord, thank you for bringing my husband home. Calm my doubts and fears about this situation, keep our household calm and organized amidst the chaos. Protect all of our hearts as we work, throught his heartache and anger. Be near us Lord Jesus. Thank you Lord. THANK YOU.